batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
