I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
