im about as happy as oj after his trial
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
