About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
