His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
