you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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