Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
