my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
