I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
