Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
