don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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