He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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