my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
