I want to stick my p in your. b.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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