So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
