you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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