He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
