She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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