sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
