Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
