It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
