Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
