i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
