I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
