I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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