She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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