we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
