just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
