wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
