Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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