Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
