DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
