Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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