I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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