READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
