More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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