shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
