Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
