I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
