I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
