he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
