i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
