2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
