She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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