remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
