Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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