That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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