Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
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