if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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