all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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