moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
