I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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